This blog post, is a little different than my usual craft related posts, but this is where I am taking this blog of mine. Crafts and my life, and all the things in between.
Sometimes when I say out loud 'I have a teen daughter", she's in high school, she has teachers I had! I am shocked, Kira really is a teen now, it scares me, because I don't want to lose the little girl inside of her, but at the same time I want her to grow into a beautiful women. I might be a little biased, but she's the most gorgeous redhead with freckles I've seen and unique. I never hide the fact that I was a teen mum from people, I have gotten over the judgemental looks a time long ago. I'm used to being out with Kira and can instantly tell when people think we are sisters, till she says mum, and heads swing. Mostly from the older generation, where they were getting married by 18. Where as her generation thinks it's so COOL that I look so young [I wont lie, I love hearing this]. Where did the years really go? I know I hear people say that and I used to think, UGH why do people say that? Was I ready for it, hell NO, am I coping with it, not always, but such as having a teen. It's funny when I start speaking to people I don't even know and the topic of how many kids I have and what age, they either have teens or had teens themselves and often give a sympathetic look or a warning haha. I honestly can say I do NOT remember being 'this sort of teen' and my mum states that I wasn't, but times have changed, teens are different. They have more guts than anything. I would never talk back to my mum, well not unless the door was closed and my head was in a pillow and even then, you whisper just to be sure.
Kira and I can go from getting along so well, mucking about and laughing, cracking jokes and what not to almost tearing each other apart. I sometimes used to wonder if this was normal at all, to the point where I would mentally beat myself up, telling myself that I am not a good mum. I was more than happy to find out I am not alone. Every now and then Kira will go through a stage, of always being right, the world is against her, and we are the worst parents in the world. I like to call them hormone's... Okay, so maybe I am not the first to think of that, haha. This is the stage where doors are slammed, words are said often followed by regret, tears are had and silence is the best weapon. What's worse is that this can go on for weeks, and it's emotionally draining for me. I feel like I walk on eggs shells around her, if I say the wrong thing, I'm in the bad books for hours and did I mention that it's draining? Trying to get anything out of her for the next few hours is like torture. She grunts and stares and that is all. Getting her to do her house chores FORGET it.
The one thing I have been learning lately, and I am no expert, NO that I am not! In dealing with these times of Kira's, the dark times. In these stages, I have learnt to just let her be, by all means not let her get her own way. But Kira has a way of trying to get you to keep going, she digs and digs at you till you argue back and then it's all back and forth, back and forth. Lately I have either said my peace and been done with it, she tries and I just speak in an even tone, usually something along the lines of "Ok Kira" or "Look I've had enough, leave it" and walk away. Counting to 10 in my head helps too, haha. Really this is NOT the real her, she is growing, her hormones are going up and down and I often think she shocks herself in what she is saying. Sometimes looking back later on that night or day we have a joke about it, when she's in her good stages. So really it's just a matter of riding them out, because when Kira's not in them, she's amazing. Don't get me wrong we still argue a little, but she doesn't hold a grudge for hours and she still speaks to me and can often see wrong in her ways afterwards.
Being that I myself, not having the best of fuses aka tempers [it's the red hair, I blame it for everything], this isn't an easy thing for me to walk away from. While I am not the know it all for bringing up teens, FAR from it! My approach recently [touchwood], seems to be working, little by little with Kira behaving really well for going on 2 months, it's progress and a work in progress. I mean she even wrote up her own job list!
I do look forward to the days when these stages are over, but not at the same time, I mean yes give me the days where she doesn't try and kill me with her death stare and suddenly knows everything, which I am sure is not humanly possible? But, I don't want to lose my girl. I love my relationship with my mum. I ring her almost every day, every time something goes wrong or happens she is basically the first person I call, after hubby. I would be lost without her and I hope that Kira feels this way about me in the future.
